


Fingertips

by Semi_problematic



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, First Love, Fluff, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 16:53:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14289243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: Lukas tilted his head to the side and drug his finger in a circle, sighing. "I'm sorry..." He leaned down and kissed a mole that was on Philips shoulder. "I really am... I wish I could give you more... gave you more... but I was confused and afraid and I just..." Lukas closed his eyes. "Just be patient. I can make this worth it. I primise I will.." Lukas whispered. "I lo-" Lukas shook his head again. "I'm sorry... I just can't... not yet."Philip stirred in his sleep, moving a bit closer to Lukas. His eyes stayed closed and his mouth hung slightly open, soft breaths escaping his lips. His hair was fanned out against the pillows. If Lukas knew the flash wouldn't wake Philip up he would take a photo. That's what Philip told him to do when he saw pretty things. And to Lukas, Philip will always be the prettiest thing.





	Fingertips

Philip was always the one to fall asleep first. Lukas thinks it's because sleep is the one time a day Philip doesn't have to worry. Even now that Helen and Gabe are adopting him Philip still sleeps first. Maybe in his dreams Anne is still alive. Whatever the case may be, Lukas was the opposite. When he slept he didn't get happy dreams, he got nightmares. The murders. Being shot. Philip leaving. Ryan taking them. Whatever sick torture device his brain could come up with it used. To avoid the problem, the problem being that he wakes up shaking and screaming, Lukas just stays up until he passes out from sleep deprivation. Healthy? No, but it works and that's all Lukas really needs. 

Lukas had been sleeping at Philips a lot more now that things have calmed down. Therapy had begun and interviews for the murders had ended. Lukas was trying a type of anxiety medication and Philip was going to the counselors more to talk about how bad it is that he misses his mom. He normally tells Lukas but he doesn't want to dump all of his problems onto Lukas. He says it's rude to do that, but Lukas wouldn't mind. Philip was hard headed, though, so starting an argument would just end with the same way it was at the beginning along with an angry Philip. 

Lukas did get it, though. Whenever Philip does tell him about his mom Lukas listens. One thing that Philip struggles with is waking up. Not getting out of bed, but the split second where everything feels normal. His mom is still alive and he is still in the city. Philip says sorry every time he mentions it, too, because that split second doesn't involve Lukas. It doesn't hurt him. That split second may not involve Lukas, but every other second does and that's what really matters. 

The moon was peeking through the curtains in Philips room while Lukas laid awake. Philip had been asleep for about two hours, passing out as soon as he put his laptop up and laid his head on the pillow. Lukas held him until he rolled away, half asleep and sweating from how hot Lukas was. Lukas had made more than enough jokes whenever Philip complains about him being hot. Philip always rolls his eyes and says he hates Lukas. Lukas knows he's lying. But in reality, Lukas was a personal heater. He was always cold but to the touch he was burning hot. For a while Philip even thought he was sick and drug him to the doctor. He wasn't, he knew that, but he knew better than to argue with Philip. 

Lukas rolled onto his side, turning his back to the window. Philip was laying on his stomach, face buried in his pillow. The sheets hovered over his lower back, the top of his boxers peaking out from beneath the covers. Moles were littered across his back and Lukas was tempted to kiss him, he always was. He never did, though. He didn't want to annoy Philip or startle him awake. He needed his sleep. 

It was boring, though, staying awake all night, especially when there was no one to talk to. His phone even got boring after a while. There were only so many social media apps that he could switch between before he had finally seen all of the updates and posts there were. 

So, here Lukas was. Sweating and bored, laying in his boyfriends bed wishing that he could have one good night of sleep that didn't involve a nightmare or a panic attack. He reached out to touch Philip, his fingertips grazing his upper arm. It was rare to see Philip like this. Relaxed. Calm. Lukas tried his best to make sure Philip always feels that way, but there's only so much he could do. There was also only so much Philip would let him do.

Philip was bad at accepting love. He didn't believe he deserved it. Lukas understood how it felt but what he didn't understand was how Philip couldn't see how strong and beautiful and perfect he was. It was one of the mysteries of the universe Lukas guessed. 

Lukas showed love differently than most. Where boys normally say "I love you" and shower their partners in compliments and dates, Lukas just buys Philip things. Not flowers or candies, but things he wants. Like the expensive camera bag he had been eyeing or a new SD card since he had filled the other he had up. Each time Lukas handed him something it was an "I love you" the same way every kiss Lukas gave him was a silent compliment. A kiss on the temple meant he loved Philips mind. A kiss on the lips meant he loved Philips words. A kiss on the hand meant he loved Philips art.

If only he could be as creative and romantic as he was on the inside on the outside. He knew that it would make things easier. Philip didn't doubt his love but Lukas knew that saying it outloud helps. He knew that Philip wished to have the same romances as the people on TV and in books. But Philip was patient. Why? Because he knew that Lukas wanted that kind of love, too. It would just take time. 

Lukas slid his fingers up Philips arm and across his shoulder and down his bad. Tonight was supposed to be the night Lukas was going to say it. It was their four month anniversary, but Lukas said they should celebrate it like their one month, since it was robbed from them by all the crime and chaos Ryan had caused. Lukas had reservations made at a fancy restaurant and everything, but as soon as he saw Philip he chickened out. What if Philip didn't love him? What if it was just a fling? What if it was guilt? All those thoughts and more raced through Lukas' mind, causing him to choke up. 

Lukas tilted his head to the side and drug his finger in a circle, sighing. "I'm sorry..." He leaned down and kissed a mole that was on Philips shoulder. "I really am... I wish I could give you more... gave you more... but I was confused and afraid and I just..." Lukas closed his eyes. "Just be patient. I can make this worth it. I primise I will.." Lukas whispered. "I lo-" Lukas shook his head again. "I'm sorry... I just can't... not yet." 

Philip stirred in his sleep, moving a bit closer to Lukas. His eyes stayed closed and his mouth hung slightly open, soft breaths escaping his lips. His hair was fanned out against the pillows. If Lukas knew the flash wouldn't wake Philip up he would take a photo. That's what Philip told him to do when he saw pretty things. And to Lukas, Philip will always be the prettiest thing.

"But I will..." Lukas whispered. "Because I do..." Lukas' fingers danced across his back as Lukas began to trace "I love you" over and over. In cursive. In uppercase letters. In lowercase letters. In letters that were far too big and letters that were far too small. In letters surrounded by hearts and letters in a mix of upper and lowercase letters. 

He felt guilty, not being able to say those three words, but the last time he had said them and really meant them was to his mom. It was dumb but Lukas was afraid that if he said those words to Philip he may die like Lukas' mom. He wasn't ready to lose Philip. Then again, Lukas will never be ready to lose Philip. 

Philip sighed into his pillow, blinking his eyes open. The moonlight caught in his eyes and somehow Philip managed to look even more beautiful. "I love you, too..." He whispered. Not as if it was a secret, but as if Lukas was the only one who needed to know. The one who needed to know the most. 

Lukas smiled, his cheeks heating up. He nodded and traced it again, adding a comma and Philips name that time. Philip closed his eyes and hid his face in Lukas' shoulder. As happiness and relief washed over Lukas, the guilt went away. Philip loved him and he loved Philip. He didn't need to say it outloud to know either were a fact. All he needed was Philip and he would be okay.


End file.
